Tuesday, December 20, 2005

X-MAS Fun

In previous bloggs, due to having to pay for internet time, I stopped writing once the money had expired, and all of my anguish and inactivity was banished to the outer reaches of my mind. But now, with the outright graciousness of Peace Corps. (free internet at the office) I'm like the Love Boat: exciting and new.

For the first time I can be a true columnist(just like the ones you read every day in the local paper) and not be restrained to personal experience, group gatherings or intimate conversations with myself. I can talk about my outrage over the things that make no sense in Bangladesh,I can even spell check my blogg for the first and only time ever! And even more thrilling (for me), I can communicate my subtle bias in a variety of true columnist ways:

1. Do extensive interviews to propel a purported point and push an agenda.
2. Inject a dose of morality (perhaps with photographs) to pull on the heartstrings.
3. Make stuff up.

I'll be honest, I find option No. 3 the most intriguing. So now the question is, should I write what I really feel or what people come to expect from me and my blogg (an issue I'm positive everyone has been debating since hearing about my blogg)? Hmm. Since I've never been one to pander to the masses, I am going to write what I really feel -- in a format that is expected: a David Letterman-style/Top Ten/VH1/E! Entertainment/Best-Of List. AKA The Daily Show!!!

A list has order, a top-to-bottom hierarchy, and manifests itself to us on a daily basis. Lists are everywhere, and the pull is strong. Everyone wants to know what, when, where, why, how and who No. 1 is, then we can talk about it. But not just talk:

1. Speculate.
2. Argue.
3. Agree to disagree.
4. Provide evidence for why someone or something else should be No. 1.

In essence, lists create a diversion to the mundane and give us a reason to hear ourselves talk. So in the spirit of hearing my own voice, I will address all the topics that come fast and furious during the rumor and speculation-fueled life of a Peace Corps Volunteer one list at a time.

Reasons why Travis joined Peace Corps

6. Free T-shirt
5. I always wanted to eat rice 3 times a day everyday
4. I wanted to live off of the taxpayers and this seems to be a better option then walefare
3. Does this country called "Bangladesh" really exist?
2. I always wanted to read War and Peace
1. I don't want to get a "real job"

Most annoying ailment/injury to Peace Corps Volunteers in Bangladesh

6. abandoned construction
5. rickshaws
4. hartals
3. malaria
2. diahrrea
1. bombs

Reasons Travis will be successful as an English Teacher in Bangladesh

6. Peace Corps has gaven me the green light to wear sweats during class
5. I speak better English then the locals
4. I won't beat the students
3. I'll be honest here, they are at rock bottom already so there really is nowhere to go but up
2. I'm Travis Schultz
1. In the Desh teaching 100 days out of 365 is a success.


Places not to go in the desh

7. Close your eyes and point. Don't go where ever you point
6. Hospital
5. D.C. office
4. your place of work
3. a ride with RAB
2. the butcher
1. jail

Best thing about being in the desh

5. mango bars
4. sweet man love
3. all the rice I could ever want
2. autographs
1. No matter what I do people won't stare more


All I want for Christmas is

7. Has it been 2 years yet?
6. Pizza Hut gift card
5. Bird Flu shot
4. more sailor suits
3. college football
2. cold beverages
1. package from America

** I got the idea for this blogg after reading Jimmy Conrad's article on ESPN.com**

Today I will leave you with this quote from a fellow PCV AKA a fellow hardliner :

"The reasons for quiting are inconsequential.(leaving the desh early) The reasons for staying illogical. I've vowed to stay till the bitter end and a bitter end that may be since the bombers have upped the antie with suicide bombers, a new feature to the Bangladesh dark comedy, and I'm laughing. I'm laughing like a mad ass hiyena on the ruthless salvannas."

So their you have it, yet more maddness from the Desh. Stay funky and spread the love

4 Comments:

Blogger Mulliken said...

Deshy:

I love it!!!! Now you have posted some meat. I read with great pleasure your most recent posting.

Please have a pleasant and wonderful holiday season and merry Christmas in a Muslim land.

KM

12:47 PM  
Blogger Tehjib Barat said...

hi.... it was nice to read ur some line about bangladesh....specially the "places not to go" lines... made me loughing ...keep it up :D

5:29 AM  
Blogger Mulliken said...

Has nobody posted anything recently? Travis, just because nobody posts things doesn't mean you are a pathetic and worthless Peace Corps worker. Keep up the good work.

6:02 PM  
Blogger Abe said...

schultzie, i finally got around to getting a blogspot id. thanks for keeping us posted, hope you're not dead.
murray

8:16 AM  

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